tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88866884601090193492024-03-06T03:36:45.426+11:00Lisa Testart - Loving TherapyResources, writings and information for clients, practitioners and those interested in the path of Loving Listening and all that entails.
www.loving-therapy.comAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-1226429783702543872016-11-30T17:25:00.002+11:002016-11-30T17:31:04.452+11:00What are you ready to change and what do we mean when we ask that question?<h2 class="font_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #1e3443; font-family: Anton, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #605e5e; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif;">This question is harder to answer than it looks.</span></h2>
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<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A person typically goes to counselling to talk about what is happening to them, express their feelings and gain validation through being heard. But, rarely does a client get asked 'what are you ready to change today?'</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #605e5e; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif;">We seek assistance for a variety of reasons, and often, without even realising it, not really know what it is that brings us to counselling; we only know we need 'help.'</span> </div>
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<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When you work with a Resource Therapist, you are going through a process that connects you to your feelings, thoughts, emotions and reactions that are at the root of why you sought help in the first place. </span></span></span></div>
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<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">We go to counselling to talk about something; something we don't like, something others don't like, or life issues that are confusing or weighing us down. With Resource Therapy, there is little talking or delving into a person's past. All that is really needed is a willingness and desire to create change in your own life.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Through a process akin to facilitation or family therapy, our internal resource states that hold on to pain, hurt, shame, anger, betrayal and abandonment, as well as</span></span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> multiple other emotional responses</span></span></span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">, get an opportunity to heal through validation, expression, removal and relief.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #605e5e; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif;">Inside each of us is a rich diversity of resource states ready to help out if called upon. Some are nurturing states, some hold our flight or fight responses and others protect us.</span></div>
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<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Some of these states were formed in childhood, bringing their childhood coping strategies to the adult world, where they may be expressed as inappropriate anger, rage, fear and all the range of emotions that each of us feels in our day to day worlds. As we mature, some of our resource states remain connected to the original experience that brought out the reaction.</span></span></span><br />
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<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">We call this the Initial Sensitising Event, and it can be something innocuous to us today, but highly traumatising to a child. A child's fear </span></span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">of being<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 'abandoned' by his or her parents as the result of a 'joke', may find themselves unable to form </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">appropriate</span></span></span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> attachments as an adult, always fearing abandonment by those closest.</span></span></span> </div>
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<div class="font_8" dir="ltr" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8394a0; font-family: Signika, sans-serif; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As an adult, your resource state may cause you intense feelings of anxiety whenever you start to </span></span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">get too</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> close to </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">someone,</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> and react by pushing them away or creating </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">self-fulfilling</span></span></span><span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> experiences of loss when relationships become damaged.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Whatever it is you want to change, change can happen. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="border: 0px; color: #605e5e; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: "overlock" , sans-serif; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You can find out more about this amazing therapy by contacting Lisa at Loving Therapy.</span></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-80789048185772430822015-10-09T09:12:00.000+11:002015-10-09T09:13:21.552+11:00On Feelings of Sadness<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="2gv0-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$2gv0" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="2gv0-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$2gv0.0:$2gv0-0-0">Sadness comes in to our lives in many different ways.</span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="3787g-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$3787g" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="3787g-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$3787g.0:$3787g-0-0"><br data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$3787g.0:$3787g-0-0.0" /></span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="30rsn-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$30rsn" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="30rsn-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$30rsn.0:$30rsn-0-0">As the counterpoint to happiness, we often don't like sadness, but it's an integral part of who we are.</span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="et7js-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$et7js" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="et7js-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$et7js.0:$et7js-0-0"><br data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$et7js.0:$et7js-0-0.0" /></span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="1bste-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$1bste" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="1bste-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$1bste.0:$1bste-0-0">Without sadness to help us reflect and learn, we wouldn't appreciate the good times we have with self and others.</span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="5nan9-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$5nan9" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="5nan9-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$5nan9.0:$5nan9-0-0"><br data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$5nan9.0:$5nan9-0-0.0" /></span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="1pte9-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$1pte9" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="1pte9-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$1pte9.0:$1pte9-0-0">Remembering this is important, because when sadness does come it can often be overwhelming and blind us to the reality of our situation, which is usually only temporary.</span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="36dfi-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$36dfi" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="36dfi-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$36dfi.0:$36dfi-0-0"><br data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$36dfi.0:$36dfi-0-0.0" /></span></div>
<div class="_209g _2vxa" data-block="true" data-offset-key="c2ltv-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$c2ltv" style="background-color: white; color: #373e4d; direction: ltr; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; position: relative; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span data-offset-key="c2ltv-0-0" data-reactid=".4v.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$c2ltv.0:$c2ltv-0-0">Our feelings are real, but they aren't facts.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-27439481308630747982015-08-18T11:54:00.001+10:002015-08-18T11:54:22.920+10:00Why we work with smokers differentlyRecently I had someone contact me to ask about quit smoking. They were quite some distance from my rooms in Morwell, so I referred them to a local practitioner.<br />
<br />
But, what they said about the cost of quitting smoking got me thinking.<br />
<br />
Why should it cost hundreds of dollars for a client to quit smoking using hypnotherapy or any other modality?<br />
<br />
Why should a person be disadvantaged because they have an addiction?<br />
<br />
This caller told me they couldn't afford to stop smoking because if they could afford to save up the 'package fees' a lot of quit smoking practitioners charge, then they would have quit on their own, thank you very much.<br />
<br />
That got me thinking about the cost of all the quit smoking programs out there; the guarantees, quit in 60 minutes and so on.<br />
<br />
I've had clients stop smoking after one session, so why should I be seeking to capitalise on another persons pain by charging them a steep fee just to see me?<br />
<br />
Why should I charge hundreds of dollars when I could just charge my normal sessional rate.<br />
<br />
I don't charge hundreds for quit smoking because I believe the burden is already heavy on the shoulders of the smoker as they see their hard earned money drift away on the smoke.<br />
<br />
Being ready to quit shouldn't be measured by how readily you part with hundreds of dollars.<br />
<br />
Having accessible and affordable programs is what my practice is about.<br />
<br />
If you are ready to quit smoking, help is just a call away.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/#!quit-smoking/c1t0q" target="_blank">I'm ready to quit smoking today!</a><br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-53994673177433917782014-12-03T16:11:00.002+11:002014-12-03T16:12:11.420+11:00Can our relationship survive an affair?<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="color_19" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #1f7575; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Yes, it's not guaranteed, but it is possible.</span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">The fallout from an affair can be intense and long term. </span><span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">It doesn't just go away, and it will continue to fester until all parts are resolved. </span><span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">Lots of people say 'but it was just flirting', or 'it didn't mean anything' or 'it just happened'.</span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">The language used by the unfaithful partner to minimise and shut down the hurt partner can seriously undermine a relationship.</span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">Communication suffers, people withdraw emotionally, and the toxicity gets stuffed deep down into unspoken resentment.</span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></h5>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;">Everything can appear to be ok, you might even be ok, and then something will happen which will trigger an emotional response and you'll be left reeling and wondering what is happening to you. </span></h5>
<div>
<span style="color: #666258; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<h5 class="font_5" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #a7a08c; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 35px; font-stretch: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 30px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_3" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #ed1c24; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Do you find yourself:</span></span></span></h5>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Seething at your partners lack of insight into your pain?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Wishing your partner would 'build a bridge and get over it'?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Wishing your partner would find a way to move on, because haven't you apologised enough now? Can't we move on? Do we have to talk about this <span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">AGAIN</span>?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ruminating and obsessing about everything your partner says and does? </span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Clock watching whenever they are late home?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Keeping an internal score on your partners honesty and consistency when they tell you things?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Checking your partners phones, emails and online history, as well as worrying about who they are facebooking with?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Fretting about the time your partner spends away from you on activities they do, such as exercise, cycling, hobbies, work, etc?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Listening in on your partners conversations with others in the hope of finding out something?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Spending enormous energy on trying to figure out if your partner has had an affair or not?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Becoming hypervigilant to changes in behaviour?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Lacking interest in any kind of sexual or physical intimacy and find yourself pulling away from anything that requires you to connect to your unfaithful partner?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Not talking about things because they are in so much pain and you don't want to make it worse for them?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Telling yourself that you should be able to just move on and let it go?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Always bringing things up, and it always ends up in fights.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stuck in that place betwen biding your time and hoping things will get better.</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Feeling confused because you are getting mixed messages all the time?</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thinking you deserve everything because of past life choices you may have made?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Shutting down so neither of you rocks the boat?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Feeling manipulated by your unfaithful partner because they say they have stopped, but continue the same actions and conduct as if they are still engaged in inappropriate behaviour? Is it becoming about you not trusting them, leaving you feeling as if you should be able to get over it and trust him/her, no matter what is in front of you?</span></div>
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Getting along ok, but becoming more and more intolerant of each other, with little things taking on what can feel like irrational and overwhelming importance?</span></span></div>
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<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feeling as if you just have to shut up and hang in there until you are strong enough to leave?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Worrying that you'll never be able to rebuild trust and you'll always be blamed and held to account?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Feeling as if your actions will never be forgiven, and why bother if it's never going to get any better?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
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<ul class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: overlock; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.3em; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Wondering if this is as good as it's ever going to get...and should you just end it and move on?</span></span></div>
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</ul>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; letter-spacing: 0em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_3" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #ed1c24; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If any of this sounds like you, or your relationship, then there is assistance.</span></span></span></span><br /><br /> </div>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When emotions don't get processed from intense trauma, it becomes ongoing emotional responses and reactions that can become overwhelming and end up driving our everyday actions and interactions.</span></span></div>
<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You, the hurt partner, think about THE AFFAIR all the time! </em></span></strong><span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">You obsess about it, </span>you question, you get suspicious, and you wonder about the little inconsistencies, the times your partner was late home, those phone calls, text messages and on it goes.<br /><br />It can seem as if you are going crazy if you are the hurt partner, but you aren't; you are just in a heightened state of tension, pain, vigilance and unresolved conflict, which is a perfectly normal state to be in when everything is taken into account.<br /><br />How do you deal with it? You talk, talk and talk some more. You find a way to communicate what is happening for you to your partner, <span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">each of you</strong></span>, and this is how I can help you.<br /><br />Heart Healing is a about helping you communicate with each other in a new and respectful way.<br /><br />It's about learning what you need to do in order to help your hurt partner heal.<br /><br />It's about the hurt partner speaking their truth and finding validation in the speaking.</span></span></div>
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<div class="font_8" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #666258; font-family: signika, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It's about the unfaithful partner acknowledging the hurt they have caused and listening, really listening, and being present to their partners pain and anger...yes, especially the anger.<br /><br />It's about supporting you through this time of talking, reconnecting and negotiating a new relationship out of the old one.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">And, importantly, it's about honouring each of you in a non-judgmental way, giving you the tools and support necessary to work on building a new life together, while integrating the pain of the affair into an appropriate state within each of you, </span></span></span><span class="color_2" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: black; font-family: overlock; font-size: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">allowing it to become part of the relationship, without overwhelming it.</span></div>
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<br /><br /><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 30px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_3" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #ed1c24; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A relationship doesn't have to end because of an affair, it can grow stronger and deeper if we learn how to open up and be honest.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_15" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #33312c; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Even if your relationship has ended, you can still recover your life and move on. We think we deal with things because we 'don't go there' or 'that's in the past'. The truth is, no matter how long ago the affair was, the impact of it continues to reverberate, like the ripples on a pond after a stone has been thrown in it.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_15" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #33312c; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Whether you were the unfaithful, or the hurt partner, you can recover from the hurt, pain, anger and grief that ensued and still lingers. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_15" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #33312c; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I know this, because it's our journey too...we get you, we hear you and we understand you.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: overlock; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="color_15" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #33312c; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you'd like to experience someone 'getting you', we invite you to send us a message or give either of us a call - we know how tough it is to have a safe place in which to talk and be heard. </span></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-54342639980694895762014-12-03T12:44:00.002+11:002014-12-03T12:45:10.221+11:00My own journey of recovery<h2>
A bit of my story...</h2>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;">When I first found out about my husbands affair I did everything to prove it hadn't happened. We were going on our honeymoon in 8 days and this couldn't possibly have been real.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;">I spent those 8 days frantically searching for the "truth" and hating the woman who had brought this into my life. I was confronted with text messages, phone bills and a whole lot of other stuff that made it impossible to</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline !important; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;"> disprove, yet what did I do? I shunted it out of the way and carried on my life as if nothing had happened.<br /><br />I now know that I knew the real truth and what I was experiencing was cognitive dissonance; that state where the reality intrudes on the internal story and the internal conflict becomes too great to bear so we hide from the truth and deny it.<br /><br />As I denied the truth I dissociated from it and denied it any space within my heart or head, but that only worked for so long.<br /><br />It would be two years before I found the courage within me to confront my husband with the truth; two years of intense pain, shame, humiliation, anxiety and complex PTSD symptoms as I bore the brunt of his own toxic shame as he blamed me for the behaviours I was exhibiting: suspicion, jealousy, possessiveness and so on.<br /><br />It wasn't until we experienced an event so damaging to my psyche that I physically ran away in fear that we were able to begin moving forward.<br /><br />Coming back from that brink of raw fear and pain was the most excruciating thing I have ever done in my life. I had to finally confront my own demons and recognise that my flight or fight response was always locked into flight mode and if I didn't take a stand for myself, then I'd always stay in flight mode whenever I experienced emotional pain.<br /><br />This was a breakthrough and was the moment I started to understand how to come back from the brink and reclaim me.<br /><br />I continue to do that and it's an ongoing process.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline !important; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/">We hear you and don't judge. </a></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-77490686407429347182014-12-03T12:39:00.000+11:002014-12-03T12:39:19.346+11:00My partner had an affair and I don't know what to do<h2>
Most people don't know what to do after finding out about an affair.</h2>
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Sadly, most people are lost and vulnerable when confronted with their partners affair or affairs. </div>
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As the hurt partner, you may want to lash out, hurt and be vocal in your pain, telling everyone about it, making your partner into a villain.</div>
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Anger, rage, hurt, betrayal, humiliation, shame, grief and loss are all normal reactions to finding out about your partners affair, but there are some things to be careful of in the first few days after finding out.</div>
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These suggestions are not in any order:</div>
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1. Be careful who you tell. You are rightly angry and feeling overwhelmed with the level of pain coursing through your heart, but beware the lure to tell everyone. If, later on, you decide that you don't want to leave, you then face dealing with people who were witness to your pain and suffering and now may be left wondering what you are doing by staying. Not everyone will understand or support you in this, and that's why we suggest you be careful and prudent in how you share this info. Friends and family may never accept your partner/spouse if they find out about the betrayal in the early days. It can make reconciling and recovering so much harder.</div>
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2. Recognise that it's ok to be totally wrecked emotionally, and allow yourself to feel everything. Don't shut down, don't try to carry on as if everything is normal, because it's not. </div>
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3. Keep talking with each other, find a counsellor who understands about affairs and get some help to work through what had happened.</div>
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4. Your partner needs to allow you to be upset, angry, bitter and hurt whenever you need to express your feelings. </div>
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5. MOST IMPORTANT: you did nothing to cause the affair, nothing at all. Keep hold of that concept because you'll need it. Many people, including therapists, think that affairs happen because there is something bad in your relationship; not true at all. Sometimes a relationship is going pear-shaped, but the person who has the affair is the one who carries the burden of blame, never the hurt partner.</div>
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If you want to find out more about how to work your way through the recovery process, give us a call. It's not easy, and we know just how difficult it can be to navigate this rocky path.</div>
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<a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/">Make a booking or contact us</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-63260876615919064322014-12-03T12:24:00.001+11:002014-12-03T12:45:37.991+11:00Has my therapist been a client?<h2>
Does your therapist have personal experience of the modality they wish to use with you?</h2>
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This is an important question, and one that clients should be asking. </div>
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First hand experience of any modality assists practitioners in understanding the clients perspective, and should be an intrinsic part of any therapists work. After all, therapists have issues too, and we all benefit from being part of the healing journey.</div>
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Therapists, no matter their modality, are, in the main, here to support you, the client, on your own healing journey of recovery.<br />
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Experiencing the techniques they use gives therapists important information on how it could impact a client, both positively and negatively. This information informs the therapist, and ultimately gives you, the client, the best outcome.<br />
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A counsellor who has never had counselling, or a practitioner who has never had therapy, is a red flag to me.<br />
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I have known practitioners who have never had therapy themselves, and it always bothers me. <br />
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It should bother you, too, as the client.<br />
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Always ask your therapist, counsellor or practitioner if they have had personal experience of the modality they wish to use with you.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-54956284633402819962014-11-21T11:13:00.000+11:002014-11-21T11:26:50.411+11:00What do you mean by a Resource State?<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">
I really want another piece of cake, but I know I shouldn't</span><br />
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Right there is an example of two resource (or ego) states in conflict. One wants the cake, and the other is reminding us that we don't need it.</div>
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A fantastic colleague of mine recently likened resources to a ship; a ship sailing along the ocean of our life. </div>
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At the helm of our ship is the Captain, the resource state out and in control, or in the conscious. Only one state can be in the executive/conscious at any time, but there can be a lot of tension if multiple states are vying for control of the helm! Just imagine if all the passengers of a car tried to steer it!</div>
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The ships crew are our surface states, those out and about most, the ones who contribute to our successful navigation through the waters of life. They keep the sails working, trimming and moving each sail to catch the right breeze, they are always on the look out for danger, rough water, shallows, reefs and so on. Just as in real life we keep an eye out for what is going on around us. These are the resources we can easily identify for the main part...our motivation, cooking, cleaning, working, resting, exercising, parenting and the myriad other roles we have that are assisted with the right resource state in the conscious. </div>
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Not all surface states are performing positive functions, they are just the states that have the most experience at being above deck instead of lurking below deck.</div>
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Then there are the below deck resource states, the ones that may or may not come up very often. These are the crew who may not be doing their best job, they may be holding onto resentments, pain, anger, grief, trauma, guilt and even wanting to harm the crew topside by staging a mutiny! </div>
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We see these below surface states come up when we have anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, self-harm and other behaviours we don't like. </div>
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So if we look at our ship again, we can see that only one resource state can be the captain, in control of the ship, and if the captain is from below decks, the ship might not sail the course it needs, in order to safely navigate the life the person wants.</div>
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Any resource state can be a captain, depending on how we are travelling emotionally at any given time. </div>
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If we are vulnerable, our below deck resource states can take us over, and we can feel overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings expressed by states we may not even recognise.</div>
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For instance, a person may feel as if they are self-sabotaging their efforts to lose weight, always feeling hungry and unfulfilled, unhappy with how they manage their eating, angry that they always have to calorie count, weigh and measure, portion control and so on. Their life feels out of control when they can't manage their food intake in a way that they want to.</div>
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In a session, this state that is in the conscious at those times may come up and call itself 'hungry'. </div>
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When the therapist talks to 'hungry' and ascertains why it does what it does with the client, 'hungry' may talk about feeling unsafe, or alone, or frightened. Working directly with the state will enable the therapist to assist 'hungry' to get what it needs to feel normalised and safe, for that is the goal of Resource Therapy; working to normalise each resource state.</div>
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If we interpreted 'hungry' as being just about food, we would miss the opportunity to assist 'hungry' to feel safe, loved and cared for in whatever way it needed.</div>
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As it turned out, in this instance, 'hungry' was acting out because of childhood abuse issues, and food was a way of numbing emotions and shutting down. </div>
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By helping 'hungry', and any other resource states that are in communication with the therapist during the session, 'hungry' is given the opportunity to express it's feelings, resolve the underlying issues and help it gain relief from the overwhelming feelings it had been carrying since childhood.</div>
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'Hungry' moved into normalcy and gained peace.</div>
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This is the goal of Resource Therapy; normalcy and peace for each of our resource states.</div>
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If you feel like your ship could do with some maintenance, give us a call.</div>
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<a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/">www.loving-therapy.com</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/lisatestartlovingtherapy">www.facebook.com/lisatestartlovingtherapy</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-73769577026383670662014-11-17T17:21:00.000+11:002014-11-21T11:28:25.031+11:00What is a relationship?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvv7dcAcEGUCACnSfLtWgiqs_NOtxzTtS0YPJyT9_XN0_jXXFe3gORJbMLPfv3i_Ceg0S1x1pyv3cn4zAc5i2nLDrJQ08UbuFdHgvkBg4fsAPSS7BadStgxhbxc3r470t-gJ6_lfcSivp2/s1600/relationshiptriangle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvv7dcAcEGUCACnSfLtWgiqs_NOtxzTtS0YPJyT9_XN0_jXXFe3gORJbMLPfv3i_Ceg0S1x1pyv3cn4zAc5i2nLDrJQ08UbuFdHgvkBg4fsAPSS7BadStgxhbxc3r470t-gJ6_lfcSivp2/s1600/relationshiptriangle.jpg" height="200" width="196" /></a><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-size: large;">What is a relationship?</span></span></h2>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;">Before we get too much further into what listening is, let’s look at what a relationship is.</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline !important; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;"><br />Everyone is in a relationship of some kind, whether it’s with the local doctor, your children, your boss, the next door neighbour or your partner or spouse. No matter what the nature of the interaction, it’s still a relationship.<br /><br />When we talk about a relationship in this book, we are generally talking about the kind of relationship you have with a loved one, your wife/husband/partner or significant other. The things you will discover about listening apply to any relationship, but to make it easy, we are referring to your primary intimate relationship.<br /><br />Now let’s unpack that intimate relationship a bit more.<br /><br />What makes up a relationship? Sure, we all know that two people make a relationship, but what is it that actually makes the relationship? Is it just two people living together? Is it marriage that makes a relationship? Is it the commitment? Is it children? Isn’t that an interesting and challenging set of questions…’what actually makes the relationship’?<br /><br />For clarity, and ease of understanding, we are going to define a relationship as a triangle: You, Me, The Relationship. If we were to see it visually, you and your partner would be at the bottom, and the relationship would be at the top. Why? Well, for us, a relationship is more than just two people in an intimate dynamic. For us, a relationship is made up of three parts, and each part must work on itself and the other parts for the relationship to work effectively.<br /><br />Imagine this: you go to counselling to work on developing your own self awareness, and your partner doesn’t. If you don’t know how to work on more than yourself, your relationship will, over time, wither from lack of support and care. If you are the only one listening in a relationship, doesn’t it become one-sided, and if it does become one-sided how can the other parts survive and grow?<br /><br />The answer is, they can’t. It takes the both of you in that intimate dynamic we call a relationship to actually make the relationship work. Without both of you working at keeping the relationship alive and flourishing, nurtured and growing, nothing will keep your relationship alive over time.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline !important; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.1666660308838px; line-height: 20px;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/">www.loving-therapy.com</a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/lisatestartlovingtherapy" rel="nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">www.facebook.com/lisatestartlovingtherapy</a></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8886688460109019349.post-33047332428074562472014-11-17T16:50:00.000+11:002014-11-21T11:30:13.531+11:00Supervision for Practitioners<div class="clearfix" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6666660308838px; line-height: 12.7999992370605px; zoom: 1;">
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Supervision - What to look for in a supervisor and why does a practitioner need it?</h2>
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Supervision is a critical part of any practitioners set up, yet how do we find the right one for you, or me?<br />
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You can start by contacting associations that are aligned with the pathway you want to take, for instance, getting a supervisor who does generalist work wouldn't work if you wanted to work in family or couples counselling.<br />
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Ask therapists you know in the field in which you work for referrals.<br />
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Look online.<br />
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Then, interview potential supervisors. Supervision is not counselling, and you will be challenged and stretched professionally, so you want to connect with a person that has a good feel about them - this is gut intuition, but if you feel off, the relationship may falter.<br />
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Does your supervisor negotiate a contract of supervision with you? Is it a formal process?<br />
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Supervision should be conducted in a formal manner. It's not about being friends with your supervisor.<br />
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Does your supervisor motivate, enthuse, support, nurture, guide and instruct you?<br />
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Supervision is a process of ongoing insight and self awareness, being challenged and feeling safe in exploring doubts and insecurities.<br />
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Does your supervisor make you feel safe?<br />
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Supervision is your safe place in which to explore how your work is going, how you manage your practice, your record keeping, professional development and all the fears, doubts and insecurities you might have.<br />
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Does your supervisor have professional boundaries?<br />
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Your supervisor is not there to be your friend. Their obligation to act as your supervisor has legal ramifications for their own practice.<br />
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Supervisors have their own supervisors...it's a chain of support, education and ongoing guidance and professional development.<br />
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The right supervisor can be a great benefit to the newly established practitioner...take your time to find the right one for you.<br />
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<a href="http://www.loving-therapy.com/">www.loving-therapy.com</a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05892047477936579784noreply@blogger.com