Right there is an example of two resource (or ego) states in conflict. One wants the cake, and the other is reminding us that we don't need it.
A fantastic colleague of mine recently likened resources to a ship; a ship sailing along the ocean of our life.
At the helm of our ship is the Captain, the resource state out and in control, or in the conscious. Only one state can be in the executive/conscious at any time, but there can be a lot of tension if multiple states are vying for control of the helm! Just imagine if all the passengers of a car tried to steer it!
The ships crew are our surface states, those out and about most, the ones who contribute to our successful navigation through the waters of life. They keep the sails working, trimming and moving each sail to catch the right breeze, they are always on the look out for danger, rough water, shallows, reefs and so on. Just as in real life we keep an eye out for what is going on around us. These are the resources we can easily identify for the main part...our motivation, cooking, cleaning, working, resting, exercising, parenting and the myriad other roles we have that are assisted with the right resource state in the conscious.
Not all surface states are performing positive functions, they are just the states that have the most experience at being above deck instead of lurking below deck.
Then there are the below deck resource states, the ones that may or may not come up very often. These are the crew who may not be doing their best job, they may be holding onto resentments, pain, anger, grief, trauma, guilt and even wanting to harm the crew topside by staging a mutiny!
We see these below surface states come up when we have anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, self-harm and other behaviours we don't like.
So if we look at our ship again, we can see that only one resource state can be the captain, in control of the ship, and if the captain is from below decks, the ship might not sail the course it needs, in order to safely navigate the life the person wants.
Any resource state can be a captain, depending on how we are travelling emotionally at any given time.
If we are vulnerable, our below deck resource states can take us over, and we can feel overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings expressed by states we may not even recognise.
For instance, a person may feel as if they are self-sabotaging their efforts to lose weight, always feeling hungry and unfulfilled, unhappy with how they manage their eating, angry that they always have to calorie count, weigh and measure, portion control and so on. Their life feels out of control when they can't manage their food intake in a way that they want to.
In a session, this state that is in the conscious at those times may come up and call itself 'hungry'.
When the therapist talks to 'hungry' and ascertains why it does what it does with the client, 'hungry' may talk about feeling unsafe, or alone, or frightened. Working directly with the state will enable the therapist to assist 'hungry' to get what it needs to feel normalised and safe, for that is the goal of Resource Therapy; working to normalise each resource state.
If we interpreted 'hungry' as being just about food, we would miss the opportunity to assist 'hungry' to feel safe, loved and cared for in whatever way it needed.
As it turned out, in this instance, 'hungry' was acting out because of childhood abuse issues, and food was a way of numbing emotions and shutting down.
By helping 'hungry', and any other resource states that are in communication with the therapist during the session, 'hungry' is given the opportunity to express it's feelings, resolve the underlying issues and help it gain relief from the overwhelming feelings it had been carrying since childhood.
'Hungry' moved into normalcy and gained peace.
This is the goal of Resource Therapy; normalcy and peace for each of our resource states.
If you feel like your ship could do with some maintenance, give us a call.
